We call it the upper room, but Fritz von Uhde has put the room on the downstairs level. We see the outside low horizon a little ways off. The windows, which admit a great deal of light, are downstairs windows. It's not night time. Hmm. Maybe listening to Jesus is like admitting light to my life. The little candle chandelier hanging above the table isn't lit. There are eleven apostles at the table. We see more of their faces than we do of Jesus profiled face.
Notice there is a backless chair in the bottom left corner that has been pushed away from the table—an empty dish remains. And way off in the upper right corner we see Judas in shadow.
But we get a pretty good look at the faces of the others. We can study each of them. Their hands may be as telling as their faces: one stands with hands clasped, others with clenched hands, folded hands, anxious hands. One fellow has his hand over his mouth as if silenced by what he's hearing—"Love one another as I have loved you." One apostle has his head in his hand and his eyes wide open. Another is overwhelmed and resting his head down on his folded hands which are braced on the back of Jesus' chair.
And right in the middle of it all we see Jesus holding the cup with both hands. I'd suggest Jesus has finished speaking about, "This is my body; this is my blood." Now he is telling them that the cup will be emptied. He's talking about Calvary where he'll be emptied of his own life poured out for the world. And if I'm going to take my place at the table, and we do at every Mass, I've got to be emptied too. Emptied to make room for God's whole life. But emptied of what? That's an important, personal question. Maybe...
Emptied of so much anger (much of which we can conceal).
Emptied of anxiety and ruminating on the past, so much so, I miss TODAY.
Emptied of nursing old wounds,
old resentments,
old failures and mistakes,
old regrets.
Emptied of the long ago stories I rehearse which reinforce old ideas about myself and others.
Emptied of useless information.
Emptied of enervating anxieties.
Emptied of false loyalties and affiliations.
Emptied of the thinking of divisive groups and personalities I've absorbed, so that I live in agitation and fearsome predicting.
Can you feel the inner freedom that might come with this kind of self-awareness and self-emptying?
